


Just Give Me a Reason (Learn to Love Again)

by LivetoDream333 (orphan_account)



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Did I mention triggers?, Drinking, Eating Disorders, Homelessness, Hurt Q, Lots of Angst, M/M, Murder, Nightmares, Past Child Abuse, Protective James Bond, Songfic, Stuttering, Suicidal Thoughts, Triggers, keeping secrets, mentioned rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-06
Updated: 2014-06-06
Packaged: 2018-02-03 15:41:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1749884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/LivetoDream333
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James wished he would have seen it coming… Wish he could have told Gabriel everything before everything went wrong. As he fell towards the water, he remembered it going wrong. Everything going so awfully wrong.Why hadn’t he trusted him? <br/>Why hadn’t he just told him? Maybe then things wouldn’t have turned out so poorly.<br/>Gabriel was smart…a genius even…but he wasn’t clairvoyant.<br/>All of the little details gave him a rather distorted picture from the truth.<br/>It had ruined everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just Give Me A Reason

**Author's Note:**

> Lots of triggers in here! Read the tags, people!!!

Just Give Me A Reason

 

“Take the bloody shot!” The instant the bullet pierced James’ shoulder, his thoughts instantly turned to the only thing that had truly had value to him…the man he’d lost. He remembered walking home in the rain and hearing shouting.

800Q8

_“You think you can get away with embarrassing me like this, whore? You ruined my favorite fucking shirt, you clumsy little shit!”_

_“I’m s-sorry. I’m sorry, K—” There was a God awful rasping sound and the sound of a punch. James sped up slightly, looking around, trying to find the voices._

_“Sorry? Sorry? Is that all I get for taking care of you? For loving you? You aren’t grateful are you, whore? Who else would ever want you? Who else would ever care?”_

_“S-stop…p-please.” James made it into the mouth of the alley way and caught sight of a tall man towering over a smaller, slighter, brunette. A pair of glasses lay on the ground, the smaller man was bruised and bleeding and squinting blindly, trying to crouch away from the beating._

_“Stop it, or I’ll stop you.” James said in what he was told was his ‘007’ voice._

_“This is none of your business, fucker.”_

_“Step away from him, or you’ll find you really won’t like me.” James snapped. The man made a wise-ish move by moving away from the smaller man and made an idiotic move trying to stand against. James had him on the ground and had a gun to his head in less than two seconds. “Leave now, before I fucking kill you you abusive dick.”_

_“Fuck you.” James crushed his wrist and four fingers, making the man whimper before he took off. James slipped his gun away before approaching the brunette. James knelt down and grabbed the man’s glasses before he lifted them gently, cleaning them off—not failing to notice that they had been broken and taped several times—and stood up, handing them to the man. He slid them on and looked at him sheepishly._

_“Are you alright?”_

_“I’m f-fine.” The young man said. He looked like he could be in Uni. He was handsome, under the bruises and blood._

_“Do you have anywhere to go? Anywhere safe?”_

_“N-no…” The poor man was shivering in the rain, no proper clothes for the weather. James gently took off his jacket and wrapped it around the young man. It could have fit around him twice, he was so skinny, malnourished. How much abuse had he been put through?_

_“You can stay with me for a while.” James said, wrapping a protective arm around the man and leading him the two blocks left to his flat._

_“Thank you…” The young man whispered gently. James was surprised that the man could walk…or talk. He looked like a slight wind would put him on his back and shatter every bone in his body._

_“No problem… What’s your name?”_

_“Gabriel… Yours?”_

_“James, James Bond.”_

_“You…you can fight.”_

_“I’m a bodyguard.” James lied, needing an excuse._

_“Oh…” Gabriel commented as James led him to a door and unlocked it. “Are you sure?”_

_“Come in, Gabriel.”_

_“I don’t want to impose. I can…I’ve done it before… I’ll just—”_

_“Come on. You’re no trouble to me.” James promised, letting the man into his flat. Gabriel stood in the living room, drenched. “You can sit down.” James said. Gabriel did, taking up the smallest section of the couch as humanly possible. James went to the bathroom and grabbed a towel before handing it to Gabriel. Gabriel took it and smiled shyly before he tried to dry himself off as James made a large dinner of stuffed omelets and toast. He took it to Gabriel and set it down in front of him, the man eyed it with a strange look on his face…as if he was either not allowed to touch it or as if he wasn’t sure it was for him._

_“How many…calories is there in that?” He asked._

_“Enough to sink a battleship, which is about half of what you need.” James commented, nodding to the man’s skinny frame. The man had taken off James’ coat and folded it neatly over the arm of the couch and James saw how truly skinny he was. Even sitting down and slouching James could see his ribs through his wet shirt and could see that his stomach was concave. “Gabriel? Eat all you want.”_

_“Everything I want?”_

_“Everything you want.” James nodded, walking towards the kitchen, trying to seem less threatening._

_“Won’t I get fat?”_

_“You could use some fat. You’re scarily skinny.” James commented. James was sure he’d never forget the way the man dug into the food, almost like a wild animal who had been starved for weeks. He wanted to warn him not to make himself sick, but James was sure the man would stop eating if he said anything. Thankfully, Gabriel seemed to realize what he was doing and he slowed down, albeit reluctantly._

_“Thank you…” Gabriel whispered._

_“It’s fine… How long has he…?”_

_“Him? About four years… He used to be so sweet… But he owns me, how do you fight that?”_

_“What do you mean?”_

_“My flat…has his name on it… He made me sell my car, said his was enough… I didn’t see it happening at first but he was taking things away from me… He still has my things. Oh God…” Gabriel wiped at his eyes as the inevitable tears began to flow. “I’m sorry, tears are—”_

_“A perfectly natural human response.” James commented._

_“You don’t look like the type to cry.”_

_“When the occasion calls for it…if I haven’t drank myself into a coma first.” James shrugged. Gabriel choked out a laugh._

_“You think I’d get smart after a while… I mean I am smart, God I’m a genius. I should have learned when I got away from my father…but at first Kyle was better than living under a bridge…” He muttered the last bit, but James still heard him. The young man had been through hell. He was stronger than his appearance cast him, any lesser man may have been dead years ago._

_“You’re safe here, as long as you want. I’m not home much.”_

_“I couldn’t impose.” Gabriel commented._

_“You wouldn’t be. Honestly, I’m off working most of the time, usually the food just spoils in the fridge.” James shrugged. “Do you want anything else?”_

_“I don’t think I could eat anything else.” Gabriel commented, looking at the half-eaten food with an almost sick expression on his face. James frowned. He could have had three of the plates he offered Gabriel downed in no time, but the young man in front of him was nearly sick two eggs, some cheese, bacon, and two nibbles into his food. And shivering, he was shivering._

_“Shit.” James commented. Gabriel jumped and winced back. “Sorry, God, you must be freezing.” James went to his room and gathered some large clothes, coming back and handing them to Gabriel. “Here, they’ll be a bit big, but they’ll tie around your waist and they’ll be warm. I can put your clothes in the dryer.”_

_“I can do it.” Gabriel said, as if afraid his clothes would be stolen from him if he didn’t personally tend to them._

_“Whatever you want.” James smiled, turning back to his food. Gabriel slowly got up, looking almost like a cautious, feral cat as he slinked away, as if searching for an escape route. He was ready to run. James wasn’t going to make him feel threatened. Hard to do when you’re James Bond. James went to his room and collected blankets, putting them over his couch, making a suitable bed for Gabriel. He knew trauma. Gabriel wouldn’t do well in the bedroom, there wasn’t an escape route. There wasn’t a way out. Gabriel needed a way out._

_“For me?”_

_“I didn’t think you’d want to be in a cooped up room. If you don’t mind, you can have the bedroom.”_

_“No—sorry—it’s just, this is…safer.”_

_“I know the feeling, Gabriel, it’s nothing you have to be sorry about.” James smiled._

_“Thank you…”_

_“It’s perfectly fine. I’m told I have a protective streak. A friend of mine has deemed that I have the “Bond Complex” which apparently means a protective streak a mile wide.”_

_“Oh…bodyguard then…”_

_“Yeah… Suppose it does the job.” James smiled. “It’s late, try to get some sleep. I’ll get you some breakfast in the morning, lots of calories and fat and sugar.”_

_“That sounds…wonderful. God, all I want is chocolate…or tea… So much. He wouldn’t let me have them, because I loved them. God, why am I telling you this? I’m sorry.”_

_“It’s alright, if you need to talk, it’s all fine.”_

_“Okay…”_

_“Goodnight, Gabriel.”_

_“Thank you, James.”_

_James fell asleep, an exhausted sleep, because he never heard the man move, never heard the dryer go off, or the man pull out his clothes and put them on. He never heard the man leave… But the next morning he found a never slept in couch and a note on the pillow in neat, slanted scroll._

_ Thank you for everything, but I can’t stand to impose or burden you. You have helped me, though. I’m never going back. _

_ ~Gabriel _

_ PS: I’ll pay you back as soon as I have the money. I borrowed a fiver, needed money for breakfast tomorrow. I  _ will _pay you back. I promise._

_Two weeks later James found a fiver under his door with a small slip of paper on it._

_ Thank you. _

800Q8

James could feel himself falling away from the train as his memories began to flood him further.

800Q8

_James walked home from MI6 and out of the corner of his eye saw a familiar figure in a coffee shop. It had been a year and he wasn’t deathly skinny anymore and he looked…happy—happier. He didn’t have any bruises on his pale skin. James couldn’t help but step into the small shop and walk up towards the man, unconsciously drawn to something in him._

_“Hello, how can I—James?” Gabriel asked with wide eyes—James didn’t miss that his glasses were new and unbroken. The man smiled and James was sure he saw a slight shimmer of tears in his eyes. “You probably don’t remember me…but—”_

_“I remember, Gabriel.” James smiled warmly. “How are you doing?” Gabriel smiled warmly in return._

_“Better… I… I have a flat, a little one, but it’s all mine and a job and I can keep the paycheck… I’ve put on some weight too, that’s a plus. I’m still, working out a few…things, but I’m doing very well.”_

_“I’m glad.”_

_“I have you to thank, you know?”_

_“Why?”_

_“Because…you made me remember that I didn’t deserve the way I was treated.”_

_“No one does.” James agreed._

_“Oh, sorry. What would you like?”_

_“Just a normal coffee, please.” James smiled._

_“Right up.” Gabriel nodded, coming back a moment later with a coffee. James held out money, but Gabriel shook his head. “I’ve got this one.”_

_“Hardly seems fair.”_

_“Technically I owe you for the food I ate and I wasted, along with the cost of running a dryer, it’s alright. Trust me.” Gabriel smiled._

_James had never tasted better coffee._

_He made it a point to visit more often._

800Q8

There was the first date, a month after James realized he was in love, and three months after James had reunited with Gabriel. A year before James moved in with Gabriel. James didn’t ask to have his name on the flat. He wanted to make sure that Gabriel knew he had control. James could remember how rough it had been at first, trying to deal with someone so traumatized and strong, it was like looking in the mirror and trying to deal with his own demons and the same damn ones—plus and minus a few—in someone else.

800Q8

_“James?” Gabriel asked shyly, looking at him from the hallway with his bottom lip caught between his teeth. His hair was a mess and he looked a little rattled._

_“What do you need, darling?” James wondered, looking up at him from the couch._

_“N-nightmare. Sorry.” Gabriel stuttered. James knew then and got up. Gabriel only stuttered when it was particularly bad. James wrapped his arms around him and held him close._

_“You’re alright… It’s over now, okay?” James asked, wanting to make sure Gabriel knew that no one was going to hurt him. Gabriel wrapped his arms around James and sobbed into his shirt. “Sh, it’s over now, no one will ever hurt you again, I promise. I’ll protect you.” James promised, rubbing up and down Gabriel’s back, trying to calm him and slow the tremors that shook him to the core. “You’re safe, I promise.”_

_“D-dad c-came back and-and…” Gabriel couldn’t seem to get anything else out. “I-I’m s-sorry… Just s-scared me.”_

_“It’s alright to be scared. No shame in it.” James promised, holding Gabriel close, pulling him up into his arms before taking them to the bed and holding Gabriel on his lap, holding his against his chest. “You’re alright. Okay? You’re safe. Breathe, my love… Breathe with me, okay?” Gabriel nodded into his chest and tried to slow down his breathing as James rubbed his back soothingly, trying to calm him down. “Better?” James asked after a moment._

_“Better.” Gabriel nodded, snuggling closer._

_“Good.” James smiled, rocking him slightly. “Have you ever…talked to anyone about this?”_

_“No.” Gabriel shook his head. James was the last person to give advice. He avoided psychologists like they were carrying the plague…but they could be helpful sometimes, when they weren’t being complete dicks about everything._

_“Maybe you should…you know, if you want. It might help a little. Maybe it will keep the nightmares away.”_

_Silence for a whole minute._

_“Could I talk to you?”_

_“Yes.” James promised._

_“What if I did something…bad?”_

_“I wouldn’t care.” James swore._

_“You won’t hate me?”_

_“I could never hate you.” It was the absolute truth. There was nothing in the world that could make him hate the young man in his arms._

_Silence, again, a little bit longer than the first time._

_“Dad can’t come back. I dream he does, but he can’t.” Gabriel said quietly. “Mum died when I was five…and dad drank a lot…and beat the hell out of me when he was angry. Then he didn’t have to drink, he was just angry and beat the hell out of me whenever he wanted. He found out when I was seven that I was…a bit of a computer genius. I could get into anything, anywhere, any time. He used to make me steal money from people’s bank accounts. Forced me to steal things or he’d hurt me. I was just a kid…I didn’t realize that I was smarter than him, I could have sent a message to anyone while I did what he told me. I could have told the authorities, but he made me feel so small, so broken…made me feel like they’d come and drag me away, rather than him.”_

_“You can hack…anything?” James knew Gabriel was smart. He built his own laptop, and whenever something went out in the house or the car Gabriel could fix it with a few tools and less than an hour of work. But…could he really get anywhere he wanted with his computer?_

_“Anything you can imagine. I think in numbers…so, it’s easy. I could show you now…”_

_“Not just yet, baby…” James commented._

_“Anyway… He had me paranoid, but I did my research before I stole. I stole from bad people, anyone with dirt who hadn’t been caught or had been left in the streets. If some of the drug lords knew my name I’d be a dead man.” Gabriel commented. “Then when I was thirteen…he…he beat me so badly I couldn’t even get back up off of the floor, so I got angry…and I got smart. I was doing his work in the yard, digging up the garden, and I messed up on purpose so that he came outside to yell at me. I killed him. I beat him to death with the shovel and kept beating him…buried him in the garden, burned the shovel so my fingerprints wouldn’t be on it…and I left. I came here, to London._

_“I took my laptop and charger and lived in the streets with it in a bag on my back. People can be very kind to homeless children. I earned enough to keep myself fed and alive, but not enough to really keep myself safe. One day I even made enough to get a room in a hotel. After a month or two without a shower, you realize just how lovely they are. Winters were bad. My first winter was horrible. There aren’t as many people on the streets walking, and if there are, it’s the same commuters every day. You can only get so much from the same people. One lady, she gave me a fiver every day she saw me. She even let me sit inside her shop to stay warm. One week she just stopped giving me money, and I thought I’d made her angry, but then when she closed shop on that Saturday she gave me a huge, warm coat. She kept the money until she had enough to buy it. I would have died if she hadn’t have been there for me._

_“I only visited her during the winters and she took care of me every year, even got me Christmas presents. When I was fifteen I bought myself new clothes, went to Cambridge and took a few tests. I never had a proper education, not since I was little but, I passed their tests and then some. I got in, but I needed money…so I got a job and took money from people’s accounts again. Little bits at a time, enough that no one would really question where it went. I only took what I needed, tested out of as many classes as I could and graduated by the time I was seventeen. Moved back to London and got a job, paid back my debts a little at a time, lived in a shitty, one-room flat and had hardly any clothes and a laptop that was ten years too old, that I had made myself out of mum’s desktop._

_“I paid off most of my debts by the time I was twenty two… I even bought myself a car and moved into a better flat… Then I met Kyle. He was so sweet, we moved in together after about three months. He was different and perfect…but he started controlling me early on. Little things that didn’t seem like a big deal at the time. ‘Put my name on the flat too, that way it’s more official.’ ‘We can sell your car, you know, because we really only have room for one and my car’s better.’ I should have noticed it, but if you wrap it up in a convenience or a smile, no one every truly notices that their freedoms are being stripped from them until it’s too late._

_“By the time it got really bad he owned me. The only way out was to go back into the streets with nothing all over again…and I couldn’t do it again. I didn’t think I could ever do it again. I didn’t want to. For two of the four years he was manipulative…in the back half he was violent. He had me convinced I was overweight. Had me convinced I shouldn’t eat certain foods, that I could only have so much. I got two meals a day and if they were enough to fill a single plate I was lucky. Perhaps the worst part was when he had friends over and he’d put all of this food in front of me and on my plate and he’d watch me like a hawk to see that I didn’t eat too much of it. I used to drink gallons of tea every day. I love tea so much and it was the only thing that kept me from feeling like I was going to starve to death. You know me, I eat a lot.”_

_“Enough calories to sink a battleship, and you still don’t gain weight.” James nodded in agreement. The man could down five full meals a day and not gain an ounce. He was simply stuck, skinny, but not deathly or frailly so._

_“Exactly. I don’t gain weight and he was having me lose it every day… He was keeping me weak, helpless against him. Beat the hell out of me whenever I did something he deemed wrong… He even convinced me that I wasn’t being a good boyfriend if I didn’t sleep with him whenever he wanted it. Sick, tired, sleeping, it didn’t matter, I was a horrible person to deny him, because that’s not what you do when you’re in love. I knew I needed to get out, but he kept my paychecks and had canceled my account so that he got everything that was mine. I created a new account, started smuggling little chunks of change into it, but he was shrewd and started keeping a closer eye on the money. He found out and forced me to close the account and give him the money. Beat the hell out of me for that. I still have scars._

_“Then I accidently spilled a drink on him at a restaurant. I was so sick and malnourished I couldn’t hold the glass properly and it slipped through my fingers and splashed on him. He nearly suffocated me to death in the alley way behind the restaurant, but you showed up and helped me, took me in. You reminded me that I’d beaten an abuser before and that I could do it again, that I was strong enough. So, I slept under an old favorite bridge that night, realized that I could still do it, broke into the flat after he’d gone to work, stole the few things that were precious to me, put it into a bag and went and lived on the streets, because he sent in my resignation to my employer that night, but only for a week._

_“The woman who used to give me money saw me again. She was shocked that I was back out on the streets after having had a normal life…so I told her everything, except for the obvious crimes I committed and she gave me a job and let me sleep in the shop until I could get my own flat. I worked doubles and she gave me the highest wage in the shop—as long as I worked hard—and I made it. Got a flat and a car and a new laptop… Repaid you, first of course…then tried to repay her, she won’t accept money, so I put a little extra away for a while before she took a phone survey and got money for it. Paid her back… I wasn’t the best person and I broke the law a few times, but I made it out, so…I guess that’s all that matters.”_

_“You’re right, that is all that matters.” James agreed, pulling him close, kissing his forehead._

_“But I’m a murderer.”_

_“I’d be a murderer if he was still alive.”_

_“Don’t say that, James.” Gabriel protested._

_“It’s true…but I won’t say it again if that’s what you want.”_

_“Very much so.”_

_“Alright… You’re not mad at me…or freaked out?”_

_“No.”_

_“Just no?”_

_“Gabriel, do you have any idea how strong you are? How brave? How could I ever be mad at such an amazing person? You’re beautiful.”_

_“I don’t always feel beautiful.”_

_“Then I’m not doing my job right.”_

_“I love you.” Gabriel smiled at James’ words._

_“I love you too, Gabriel…more than you could ever know.”_

800Q8

They made it work…and James knew Gabriel had eventually fallen in love with him.

James smiled, even as the air rushed past his face.

He’d been loved by Gabriel.

800Q8

_James woke to a ringing sound and reached for the side table, trying not to stir Gabriel. “Hello?”_

_“James, get your arse out of bed, we need you.”_

_“Now?” James asked, looking at the clock. “It’s four in the morning.”_

_“Did I stutter, 007?” M snipped back._

_“No, ma’am. I’ll be there in thirty.”_

_“Make it fifteen.”_

_“Not going to happen.” James retorted._

_“Double-o—” James hung up on her and put his phone down._

_“’ames? What isit?”_

_“I’ve got to go to work, darling.” James whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to the back of his neck, curling closer to the man._

_“Don’ want you to go.”_

_“I don’t either.” James smiled when Gabriel rolled over and pressed closer, kissing him and wrapping his arms around him._

_“Come home safe? In one piece this time? Please?”_

_“Always, my love. Why wouldn’t I? When I have you to come home to.” James smiled and nuzzled his neck before he slowly got up and stroked Gabriel’s hair, kissing his forehead. “Go to sleep. I’ll call you when I know where I’m going, alright?”_

_“M’kay. Love you.”_

_“Love you too, sweetheart.”_

800Q8

Things had been fine…but then they had started to go wrong. James just hadn’t noticed it. He frowned as he feel three more feet. Why hadn’t he noticed it going wrong?

800Q8

_“James?” Gabriel asked gently when he walked into the flat, finding James on the couch, half a bottle of scotch downed and a glass in his hands. “James…” Gabriel frowned._

_“Rough week, I deserved a drink.”_

_“You mean ten?” Gabriel asked, closing the bottle and reaching for the glass in James’ hand._

_“Please—”_

_“You’re drunk…” Gabriel said._

_“Really rough week.” James insisted._

_“No more.” Gabriel whispered, before he wrapped an arm around James and helped him up, pulling him to their room and setting him on the bed. Gabriel gently set him on the bed and pulled off his shoes and his shirt. He saw scratches and bruises all down James’ chest. “Really rough week then…are you alright?”_

_“I’m fine.” James said, leaning his head against Gabriel’s chest and putting his hands on his hips, holding him close, smelling his cologne under the smell of coffee._

_“You’re a little drunk.”_

_“Not too drunk.”_

_“You should have waited for me. Shouldn’t go to a bottle, I could help you.”_

_“I’m sorry.”_

_“Please don’t do this again…I don’t like seeing you drunk… I don’t like seeing you…like this.”_

_“Sorry, baby.” James whispered._

_“It’s okay.” Gabriel promised before he pulled off James’ belt and trousers, leaving him in his pants. “I’ve got you.” Gabriel promised before he got undressed and pulled James down into the bed, curling around the man from behind, holding him close with one hand and running his fingers through his hair with the other. “Whatever happened, I’m here. Okay? I’m here.”_

_“I know.”_

_“Then don’t forget it.”_

800Q8

James should have known and should have fixed it when it started. He should have done everything in his power to fix it…but he’d never seen it falling apart.

God, why hadn’t he figured it out sooner?

800Q8

_“A month?”_

_“Yeah, I’m sorry, Gabe.” James sighed. “Whiney pop stars need protecting too.”_

_“Okay…well, you be safe, alright?” Gabriel asked pulling him into a hug._

_“I’ll be safe.” James promised with a small smile. “Here.” James said, walking into his room and pulling a small chain out of his drawer before he walked back in front of Gabriel, holding out the dog tags. “You can have these.” James smiled and offered them to his lover, because he was too damn scared to offer him the ring he’d had in his pocket for months. “Then I won’t be so far away.”_

_“Thank you, James.” Gabriel beamed and pulled James into a tight hug. James smiled and held him close, slipping the chain around Gabriel’s neck._

_“There…” James smiled, content. There was something highly satisfying about seeing those tags around Gabriel’s neck. He caught Gabriel up in a passionate kiss before smiling and pulling back. “I’ll call you when I get where I’m going, alright?”_

_“Mm, okay.” Gabriel sighed before watching James leave._

800Q8

_“James, take the next right.” Tanner’s voice called over his earpiece. James felt his phone vibrate._

_“Shit,” James muttered, looking down at his phone. There was only one person who had the number to that phone. One person who could call him._

_“What in the hell is going on?” M demanded._

_“Fuck, give me a minute.” James snapped, pulling his phone out. “Hello, honey.”_

_“Honey?” M’s voice asked._

_“J-James, James, I’m sc-ared, p-please come home, I n-need you.”_

_“Honey, sweetheart, slow down, what’s wrong, love?” James asked, glancing around the corner._

_“What in the hell are you going on about?” M demanded._

_“I s-saw him James, he c-came to the coffee house. I’m sc-scared he followed me h-home. I’m scared. Please, please c-come home James.”_

_“Are you alright? Did he follow you?”_

_“I d-don’t kn-know. James, I’m sc-scared. Please.”_

_“Honey, where are you?”_

_“Honey?” Tanner asked._

_“I’m in the bedroom.”_

_“Okay, love, go to the side-table and grab the gun, do it, okay?”_

_“James you have to move now.” M ordered. James pulled his phone away and covered the mouth piece._

_“Shut the fuck up and give me a minute, M.” James snapped before he pulled his phone back up to his ear. “Baby, do you have it?”_

_“Ye-yes.”_

_“Okay, load it, I taught you how, remember?”_

_“Yes.” Gabriel answered and James heard a slide pull back._

_“Okay…good. I taught you how to shoot, listen to me, if anyone’s in the flat, squeeze the trigger. Remember, you didn’t kill anyone, they chose to die by breaking in, alright?”_

_“O-k-kay.”_

_“Take a deep breath for me love, please.”_

_“Bond, end this now, you need to move!” Tanner snapped. “You’ll get caught.” James moved but didn’t put down the phone._

_“Are you alright?”_

_“Y-yes.”_

_“Okay, sweep the flat, make sure no one is there but you, alright? I taught you how to do it, remember?”_

_“Ok-okay.”_

_“Tell me when the flat is cleared, alright?” James asked._

_“Go to the left, James.” M ordered._

_“C-clear.” Gabriel told him._

_“Good, baby, good. Lock the front door. Turn on the security, love, please do it for me.”_

_“D-done.”_

_“Okay, good, your safe, honey, okay? Go to our room and put the safety on the gun, leave it on the side table. Then go to the closet and pull out one of my jackets.”_

_“James, the mark is getting away. They’re onto you and they’re converging.” M warned._

_“Do you have a jacket, love?” James asked, looking around a corner before taking off down it._

_“Yes.”_

_“Put it on and get into bed alright? Lay down, pull the blankets around you tightly, you hear?”_

_“Stop chatting, they’ll be able to hear you.” Tanner commented._

_“Listen, love, stay covered up, think of me there with you. He can’t touch you. Remember? I made you a promise. He’ll never hurt you again. I promise.”_

_“Okay, please come home. I need you.”_

_“Honey, I can’t come home right now. But I’ll come home the moment I can, alright, my love?” James asked._

_“Please.”_

_“Honey…I promise I’ll come home soon, my love.” James promised. “I’ll call you back as soon as I can, just hold on tight, baby, okay? I’m right there with you, alright? Just wait for me, I’ll be home soon.”_

_“Not if they don’t pop around the corner and kill you first.” Tanner warned. “Thirty seconds.”_

_“I’ve got to go, love. I’ll call you soon.”_

_“Please…just stay with me, just talk for a little longer. I just need to hear your voice, please.”_

_“I can’t right now, love. I’ll talk to you soon, trust me. I love you.” James said before he hung up and ran for his life._

800Q8

M was a bitch for ordering Eve to kill him, she was a bitch for a lot of reasons, but sometimes…just occasionally, she was kind.

800Q8

_“Who in the hell did you allow to distract you?” M snapped, looking up at James. Tanner stood in the corner silent before he closed the door behind James._

_“Ma’am… I—”_

_“Am I to assume you assume you have someone special and we don’t know about it?”_

_“I didn’t want him put into this life alright?” James snapped. “I don’t want people hunting him or, hell, even knowing he exists. I want him safe.”_

_“Is he going to be a problem?” M asked._

_“No,” James promised. “I don’t do this often, so you had better be recording this. But I beg you, don’t look for him.”_

_“You’re in love.” Tanner said, his eyes slightly wider than they had been. Tanner wasn’t easy to shock._

_“For a while now.” James nodded. “I don’t want him to have to be a part of this life. I don’t want you do to follow me home, I don’t want you to bring him into this world. Please, just, leave him where he is. He doesn’t need to be involved.”_

_“No…but maybe he’d like to know why you’re never home.”_

_“Will you, please, keep this in confidence?”_

_“Yes.” Tanner answered first._

_“Yes.” M nodded. “But don’t let him interfere again.”_

_“If he needs me, I’ll be there…interference or not.”_

_“Alright…” M said slowly. “I suppose I can understand your protective instincts.”_

_“If a hair is touched on his head…no one will like the enemy they have in me.”_

_“No one likes you now, Bond.”_

_“Valid point.” James shrugged. “All the more reason for them to not piss me off.”_

_“Just one question?” M commented._

_“What?”_

_“A man, Bond?”_

_“Can’t help when you fall in love…or who it’s with.” James smiled warmly, thinking of him. “Can I go home?”_

_“I expect you in for a psych evaluation in two days.”_

_“Thank you…”_

800Q8

James wished he would have seen it coming… Wish he could have told Gabriel everything before everything went wrong. As he fell towards the water, he remembered it going wrong. Everything going so awfully wrong.

800Q8

_The weight on James was too much. Instantly he reacted, waking up from his nightmare and holding down whatever had pinned him. “James—!” Gabriel’s gasp was cut off quickly as James’ hands clenched around his neck._

_“Oh my God.” James pulled away, as if he’d been burned. “Oh, God, Gabe, I’m so sorry.” James pulled him into a sitting position as he choked and struggled to regain his breath. He rubbed his back and gently tried to sooth his neck. “I’m so sorry, love.”_

_“James…” His voice was rough and breathless._

_“Shh, don’t talk. Relax for a moment, shh. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I was scared and… I’m sorry.” James never wanted to hurt Gabriel, he couldn’t do that, not even over a nightmare. Never. He couldn’t hurt him, not the one thing he wanted—needed—to protect more than anything else in the world. “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.” James whispered, pulling him close. “I’m so sorry, baby.”_

_“You can tell me.” Gabriel said after a moment._

_“What?”_

_“You can talk to me, about your nightmares. It’s not the first time you’ve had them. You can tell me, love.”_

_“I…I can’t I’m sorry.”_

_“Whatever it is…you can tell me.”_

_“Gabriel, I can’t.”_

_“It can’t be too bad than what I’ve done. I’m a murderer and a thief and I didn’t even fucking care that I killed my own father.” Gabriel sighed and rubbed at his sore throat idly. “If it’s your navy days…you can talk about them…it may make you feel better. I can—”_

_“I’m not dragging you into this, sorry.”_

_“You kind of did.” Gabriel commented, biting his lip. James looked down and saw bruises starting to form. His heart broke._

_“I’m so sorry.” James said before he got up. “I’ll just…I’ll go…just…”_

_“No, James, stay. It wasn’t—”_

_“I have to go. I can’t… I can’t be around you like this.”_

_“We’re supposed to help each other. How can I do that if you don’t trust me?”_

_“I trust you with my life.”_

_“Then why not with this? We can’t just run away from things when they get difficult. Whatever this is, let me help. God knows you’ve had to deal with horrendous things for me.”_

_“I’m sorry.” James shook his head before he left._

800Q8

Why hadn’t he trusted him? Why hadn’t he just told him, maybe then things wouldn’t have turned out so poorly.

Gabriel was smart…a genius even…but he wasn’t clairvoyant.

All of the little details gave him a rather distorted picture from the truth.

It had ruined everything.

800Q8

_James kissed the woman before he managed to slip the small disk from the waistline of her jeans. She never even noticed it and when he left and was driven the ten blocks to MI6 the victory was sweet, her lipstick and perfume hadn’t been. He found her appalling. He’d had trouble with that aspect of the work, ever since he and Gabriel had been together. Alec teased him, but didn’t know the reason behind it. 005 just teased that James was getting old. James ignored all of the jibes though, he knew the truth and he was happy with it._

_“Good work, now get out of my sight, you’ve been annoying me all day.” M snapped._

_“Always a pleasure, ma’am.” James smiled before he went home. “Gabriel? I’m home.”_

_“Kitchen.” Gabriel called. His voice sounded off, a bit stuffy. James walked into the room and wrapped his arms around Gabriel’s waist._

_“You alright, my love? You sound upset.”_

_“Just a bit sick is all.” Gabriel said, voice still congested. James pressed the back of his hand to his lover’s forehead._

_“You don’t feel warm…by why are you working if you don’t feel well? You should be off of your feet and resting.”_

_“I’m fine.” Gabriel said, turning and burying his face in James’ shoulder. “How was your job?”_

_“Nothing to note. Boring almost.” It had been very boring and tedious for James. In and out of the country just to find the girl in London._

_“Oh, well, at least you were safe.”_

_“Are you sure you’re alright, my love?”_

_“Just tired…it’s nothing. I’m going to go lay down.”_

_“Do you want me to bring you soup or anything? Tea?”_

_“No…I just want to sleep.”_

_“Okay, love, I’ll be in in a moment.” James smiled, finishing tidying up the kitchen so Gabriel wouldn’t have to before he went to bed, stripping down and cuddling up to Gabriel. “I hope you feel better in the morning. Sleep well, angel. I love you.”_

_“I love you too…”_

800Q8

James should have heard it. Should have heard the way Gabriel said those words…he just thought it was because he was sick… Even then it could have been saved…if he’d only knew.

The memory and the water hit with an icy, terrible, drowning feeling.

800Q8

_“I’ve got another job next week, Gabriel. Sorry…” James commented. “I’m going to Istanbul.”_

_“Are they prettier there?” Gabriel asked, his voice quiet._

_“Are what prettier?” James wondered. He had to admit the sunsets were gorgeous there, but he didn’t think that that was what Gabriel was asking._

_“The woman?”_

_“What are you talking about?”_

_“You know, you could at least not lie to me.” Gabriel said, turning to face James, his eyes were red._

_“Angel, are you alright? You look like you’ve been crying.”_

_“Avoidance again?” Gabriel asked. “How many times are you going to lie to me? I may be slow, but I’m not a fucking idiot, actually, I’m a genius.”_

_“What are you talking about?”_

_“Where do you want me to start? Oh, how about the woman you were snogging three blocks from our flat? God, James…did it have to be a woman? I mean, I knew I was never good enough for you, because, God, look at you. It has nothing to do with my father or Alec, I mean I know I’m too skinny to be attractive by most measures and my face is only a seven point four at best based on symmetrically or anything and glasses aren’t really attractive either, but I had had hope. I mean, you dropped out of the middle of nowhere like an angel and saved my life. I mean how am I supposed to compete with that? Blue eyes and full-blown rugged perfection, I can’t compete. But you know, I thought after a few years you know… I thought it was alright thought, you know that you cared. God I was even hoping that after all this time maybe you might get down on one knee, but you know, that’s not going to happen is it?”_

_“Gabriel—”_

_“No… I’m out buying food for us and I see you with some whorish blonde woman with the highest heels I’ve ever seen in my life and the lowest cut shirt in the world and you’re sucking on her neck and… Suppose she’s beautiful to someone interested in that sort of thing but…you know… Was I just not good enough for you? I mean, I know I’m a bit of a head case and I’m not your usual preference, being a man and all, but I had hoped.” There were tears running down his face and his voice was shaking._

_“Gabe—”_

_“I asked you about your work that night, wondering if maybe it was something you had to do, maybe it was just some mistake that you felt bad about, that maybe you’d own it and that would be okay. We could talk about that, maybe find forgiveness or—or—or something… But you just, acted like nothing happened, like it was an ordinary day, so I asked you and I waited a few days, gave you some time to talk, but you didn’t say anything. So I thought…if you were lying about that…what else?”_

_“Let me—”_

_“I thought it a little weird that you never talked about work or the people you worked with. I called the office, they didn’t know any James Bond. So I hacked them naturally. You don’t exist anywhere in there systems. Did you know that? I mean, I knew something was wrong, because you have always been secretive about it. Didn’t realize you were lying about where you worked though…” He wiped his eyes as he continued to speak. “It’s not the last lie though. I asked you not to get drunk—at home—and you promised you wouldn’t because you know how it upsets me, I get nightmares and terrible anxiety attacks. But you seemed to forget that promise too. I mean…I thought you wouldn’t… I thought it would stop after the first time but… It’s like you forgot how it freaks me out…and then with the other woman I just… Did you ever even care about me? I mean, was I not enough? Did you ever love me? Why would you? And why lie this whole time, about_ everything _.”_

_“Gabriel, let me explain. I can—” Gabriel sniffled and straightened up._

_“No… Don’t… Don’t. You’ll just come up with another pretty lie and I’ll believe you. Because I always believe you. I always believe you…even when you lie to me.” Gabriel shook his head. “Somehow this is worse. It hurts worse more than dad, more than Alex…because I was so happy… I was so damn happy. I love you. That makes it all hurt worse.”_

_“Gabriel, please…please, let me fix this.” James knew it had been too much… He’d broken Gabriel’s trust, his faith. They were the two most important things to Gabriel, and he’d shattered them…all because he wanted to protect him from his world, because he hadn’t trusted that Gabriel would be safe, that he would be able to take care of himself against James’ enemies._

_“I can’t…I’m sorry…”_

_“Gabriel…please. I’ll do anything.” James whispered, unable to help the tears rolling down his cheeks._

_“Just go. This is my home this time… I’m sure one of your…women will take you for the night, hell, anyone would kill to have you for a night. Get your things when I’m not home… Just go.”_

_James left the flat and leaned against the door. No man had ever made him sob before, but Gabriel managed it. Gabriel broke James Bond…and he didn’t know how to fix it._

800Q8

James felt himself going under, deeper and deeper. He ruined everything he touched. The one person he could truly trust. The one person he loved more than anything in the world… He’d broken him, his trust, his love, his faith.

Gabriel was the most beautiful man he’d ever known. He was strong and witty and loving and smart and kind and calm and caring and gentle and fierce and feisty and reserved and human and he had the biggest heart James had ever known.

James had tried to protect that.

He failed.

He’d broken him.

He’d lost him.

What was there left in the world?

For years, the only thing that had kept James alive, kept him coming home, was Gabriel. Gabriel had kept him alive when James was dying, when he was breaking in the field, the very thought of Gabriel, just his face was enough to take James from near death to ‘I’ll be home in the time it takes to fly there’.

This time he wouldn’t be home. There wasn’t a home to go to, just an empty flat he’d never bothered to move into. The only hope he had was that maybe, just maybe, Gabriel still had his dog tags around his neck. He’d taken his things from their—Gabriel’s—flat but he hadn’t found his dog tags…he hoped Gabriel still had them and hoped that maybe they were still hanging around his neck, resting over his heart still, the way they had when he’d given them to him.

It was a long shot, but the only hope he had.

Was it enough?

Was it a reason to live, to go back to England, to a little, shitty, empty little flat without a soul to go home to?

Was there a reason to go home anymore?

Or was the icy water a more appealing answer?


	2. Learn To Love Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for not writing in so long... I'm in the midst of a bit of a crisis...but this was gnawing at me...so I'm missing about thirty hours of sleep, but hey, whatever...  
> I like R, by the way.  
> Forgive M's sarcasm.

Learn To Love Again

 

Without James around, life was hard. Deep down, Gabriel knew that James had lied to him, for whatever reason he had…but he still wished James were there…and he still wore his tags around his neck. They were heavy and pressed hard over his chest. Part of him was sure that if he were to get into a pool they would drag him under the surface and drown him with all of their weight. He had convinced himself that he was clinging to the feeling of love, rather than the man, but he knew, deep down, that he was still in love with the man, even though he was a liar.

Life was difficult.

But Gabriel wasn’t broken, not _completely_ anyway.

“Honey, what’s wrong with you?”

“Excuse me?” Gabriel asked his boss, the same woman who’d kept him from freezing to death.

“You look awful. You’re man out of town again? You have a row?”

“I broke up with him.”

“Why? You two were gorgeous together. That fellow loved you an awful lot, never looked away from you.”

“I caught him with another woman, Sarah.”

“I’m sorry… Go out somewhere, maybe that tea store you enjoy so much…just, don’t sit and stew. Go do something for yourself, dear. I can’t have you spilling coffee and looking like death in here.”

“Sorry, Sarah.”

“Just go do something alright? Get outside, you’re too pale.”

“And going out on a cloudy day will fix that?”

“Just go.” Sarah chuckled and rolled her eyes. Gabriel sighed before he left the shop and started walking down the street. He never saw the people following him and he couldn’t even get out a shout when a gun pressed into the small of his back, because a hiss of warning hit his ear.

“Yell or fight and I’ll kill you. Get in the car, someone wants to talk to you.” Gabriel took a few breaths and got into the car, keeping everything calm on the outside, looking around at the car and the people in it, trying to discern what had happened and what he’d gotten himself into.

They were MI6.

800Q8

Gabriel sat in the room as a woman with short, white hair sat across from him. “Hello. We’ve been looking for you for a while, turns out you hacked us a few times, most recently about two years ago.”

“I—”

“What surprises me is that you didn’t take anything, didn’t even look at anything. Also, we had someone look for you a bit more thoroughly. Turns out you’ve hacked into the FBI, CIA, MI5, and MI6—twice. And that’s all we’ve dug up on your particular style over the years…along with a few hundred thousand bank accounts. Is that how an orphan, living on the street paid for university?”

“I—”

“Rhetorical. I know the answer to that. What stuns me is you didn’t take any information and you paid every cent back—at least to the legally working citizens. Why not steal for yourself?”

“They were exercises… Just…seeing if I could still do it… I didn’t mean to steal anything.” Gabriel answered.

“Would you like to?” M asked, standing up. “You see, we have this branch, called Q-Branch, in charge of intelligence and creating weapons for the field. Our Quartermaster is getting ready to retire, and quite honestly not good enough for the job, despite his years of service. The new world has moved too fast for him. We need young blood who knows this new world and can adapt to every change. I would like to groom you for that job, if you’d like to accept my offer.”

“Does the counter-offer end with me dead in a gutter?”

“No…not unless you hack us again.” M smiled, slightly impressed with the young man’s guts, she didn’t know many who’d use such a snarky tone in her direction. Gabriel took a moment, thinking. He needed something, anything to stop thinking about James.

“Well, I would much rather spend time on computers… I love working with them.”

“You’re passionate, that’s what we need, that and loyalty. Can you handle that?”

“I think I can.”

“Think or know?”

“I know, ma’am.”

“M…and don’t say your name to anyone, you no longer have one. You’re being groomed for Q, one day, that will be the only name you’ll need.”

“What about the people who know me?”

“You are going to be killed in a car accident in fifteen minutes, you’re dead to the world. Don’t contact anyone you knew. R will guide you for the next few weeks, for a, hopefully, easy transition. Don’t disappoint.”

“Or my funeral will have a body in the casket?”

“Just so.” M couldn’t help but smile, the young man would fit in swimmingly.

800Q8

“You’re catching on quick, you know.” R smiled warmly at Gabriel.

“Thanks, R.”

“But you’re a little grumpy.”

“R…”

“Tell me; we’ll be working together for the foreseeable future, well unless one of us ends up dead. Come on, you know they’ll try to get it out of you in psych anyway if you don’t get over it beforehand. So you might as well talk. I’m the secret keeper here…well, one of hundreds, but I’m the best of them.” She smiled, flipping back her hair.

“My boyfriend…ex…he…”

“Oh…cheated on you, didn’t he?”

“How?”

“Been there…but then again, my boyfriend was only with me because I was at MI6 and I ended up killing him…but, that’s how the cookie crumbled. I’m sorry… You loved him?”

“I think I still do.”

“Sorry, dear.”

“Yeah, I’m a sucker for abusers and liars apparently. But, the liar, really got to me.”

“Just cheat the one time?”

“Yeah, from what I know, but…he lied a lot and…messed with my head, whether on purpose or not…I did warn him and he just…didn’t care, I suppose.”

“That’s love…always a fatal flaw somewhere.” R sighed. “Oh, you get to guide a double-o today, there are four in the field, and Q’s handling two, which means one for each of us.”

“Lovely.”

“You’ll be a natural, trust me, just remember the calm voice we talked about. The one I liked.”

“Alright…”

“And, by the way, my name’s Jen.” R said, holding out her hand.

“You’re not supposed—”

“I trust you…besides, I made you spill your guts, so…we’re even now. Tell anyone, you die.” She added seriously. Gabriel laughed and followed her. The first time he’d really laughed since James left.

800Q8

The bomb demolished Q-branch and shortened Q’s retirement to nil, along with five others, even R was put out of commission for a week due to burns…not that it stopped her from getting out of bed after three days. Gabriel was instantly promoted to Quartermaster.

800Q8

“Knock, knock.” Jen said leaning into the room where Q worked.

“Yes?” Q asked, looking up. “What’s that?”

“Dead agent back alive, nothing new there, not for 007. Anyway, healthy or not, everyone knows M’s going to put him back in the field, even if he’s banged to hell, we need him. You’ll be meeting him tomorrow, by the looks of it. This is his file,” she smiled and held out a small disk, “thing I’ve learned about the double-o’s: always know who you’re dealing with before you get there. 007 is the most difficult of them, but if you get on his good side he’ll be good to you. Trust, if he trusts you, he won’t kill you, however, he tends to kill people who betray him, so stay on the good side. And read up. This is above my security clearance, but, I got it for you anyway.”

“R—”

“Don’t worry, your clearance covers it…and I’ve worked with him, I don’t need to read that to get inside his head.” R smiled before she left Q alone. Q shook his head and slipped it into his bag to take home.

800Q8

Q got home and opened his laptop, ready to study the file. He grabbed his cuppa as it opened. He didn’t get past the first two lines and the picture. Q could never mistake those blue eyes for anyone but James…his James.

** Agent: 007 **

** Name: CDR James Bond (Royal Navy) **

Q’s hands went numb and his mug fell through his fingertips and shattered against the floor. He pulled the tags out from under his suit and stared at the two little words on them. _James Bond._ “Oh my God…” Q rabidly began to search through the file, reading through it quickly, seeing the beginnings as a lower agent, the work he did, the intelligence he collected, the day he got promoted to double-o. The women he slept with, Vesper Lynd…

James was a womanizer, it was the same song and dance: fight the fight, get the girl, win…and usually die in the process. For three years…and then something changed. The woman, there were less, nearly none, only when the job required it. The near-death experiences dwindled. The Quartermaster’s notes on him reported a more stable return of equipment. Psych evaluations came back differently than they had been.

Instead of psych constantly moaning about his instability, violent, and reckless behavior his evaluations were neater, cleaner. He was reported as being more stable, less likely to become a liability. There was one note in the corner of a scanned page that made Q freeze.

**_ Someone is grounding him, let us only hope that that continues. _ **

“What happened?” Q wondered, scrolling through, looking for the date that things started to change and then he froze. “Oh my God… That’s… _I_ happened.” Q kept reading, compelled to do so. The woman he’d caught James kissing had been a terrorist who had information. He kept reading, seeing more and more, his life making sense. Then… He saw it. One word that made his heart shudder and the room go cold.

It took Q a moment to remember that James was still alive…but he had died less than a week after they’d fought… James had gone, literally—and not so much so—to his death. There was something hidden in the file though, something buried, beyond tops secret, but embedded in the file. Q slowly worked it open and found a single page by M, judging by the sarcasm and the security clearance on the document—and the fact that Q had already learned she hated the damn relationship forms.

** Relationship status: Attached **

** Gender: Male **

** Name: Unknown **

** Age: Unknown **

** Affiliation(s): Great Britain (or he’d be dead knowing Bond) **

** Notes: Requested specifically from Bond that no one try to find him. He’s protective of him and doesn’t want him pulled into MI6 or Bond’s typical dealings with terrorists. We were advised not to go looking or else we’d face a treasonous and furious Bond, the bloody cheek. **

** Unknown man to be left alone, contacted only for his protection and at Bond’s personal request. **

Q’s phone rang and he jumped, answering it. “Yes?”

“What in the bloody hell are you doing in that file?”

“Learning.” Q answered.

“You just broke into information that you shouldn’t have.”

“I already knew it.”

“Knew what?” M demanded, her tone harsh.

“I knew James before…all of this… He never told me he worked for MI6.”

“Fuck… He’s going to kill us all when he finds out we hired you. He wouldn’t have told you…he wanted you protected from this life…but it turns out, you were made for it.”

“I can’t talk to him.”

“You bloody well have to. You’re his superior.”

“I…the last thing I said to him…”

“Is that why he was so bloody pissy? A row with you? Idiot. Whatever it is, put it right, we have work to do, and don’t fucking break into things above your clearance…not that much is. Fix the problem.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“And Q?”

“Yes?”

“I’m not a bloody relationship consoler.”

“Of course, ma’am.” Q hung up and closed the file before doing a search, finding the hotel James was staying in before he got up and left the flat in a rush.

800Q8

“James?” Q asked after standing at the door for what must have been an hour, not knowing what to do. He knocked on the door, hoping the man was still awake…or at least not completely unconscious…or…had any inkling to see him…after everything he’d said. What do you say to a man who was trying to protect you? The same man you called a liar? The same man you never gave a chance to speak. “James?”

The door was nearly torn from its hinges when James opened it in a rush.

James looked…like he’d been through hell. Worse than Q had ever seen him. He looked like he’d aged ten years in a few months. His shoulder had a scar on it, where a bullet had almost taken him away completely. “Gabriel?” He smiled. Q hadn’t heard that name in almost as long as he had been away from James. James let him into the room and they settled on standing across from each other. “What are you doing here?”

“Um…I, I read your file.”

“Does anyone know you came here?” James asked, suddenly looking very alert and worried.

“No, why—?”

“Gabriel, they could be trying to find you. Why in the world would you read my file?” James wondered.

“I doubt they’ll be trying to find me, seems how I work for them.”

“What?” James asked, staring at Q as if he’d grown another head.

“About a week after…anyway, they showed up at the coffee house, followed me and took me away to MI6. And this woman talked to me—”

“M?”

“Yes.”

“That bitch. I told her to stay away from you.”

“She didn’t know I was…well, me. R found me…they’ve been trying to find me for ages apparently…something to do with me being in places I shouldn’t be and creating things I shouldn’t…and all that.”

“I’m still going to beat the hell out of her.”

“Well…I… I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I didn’t know. Those things I said were…awful and I just, wanted to say I was—am—sorry.”

“Gabriel…it’s not your fault. I should have told you a long time ago…I was just an idiot…scared.”

“I should have let you talk—”

“Gabriel, I wouldn’t have let me talk. I know how it must have looked. I would have jumped to the same conclusion.”

“Can you—?”

“Do you really have to ask?” James asked. “Can I—?”

“You’re asking?” Q wondered. James smiled and pulled Q into a kiss, tender and loving.

“God, I’ve missed you.”

“I missed you too.” Q smiled, pressing kisses along James’ jaw.

“So…you’re working for MI6, Q-branch I’d imagine.”

“Actually, I _am_ Q.”

“You would be.” James chuckled before claiming Q’s lips again, passionate and hungry. He wrapped his arms around Q and lifted him up. Q wrapped his legs around his waist and held him close, his fingers unconsciously drawing circles over the new wound.

“You almost died.”

“Almost. I could never go without saying goodbye.”

“Never say goodbye again.”

“Promise.” James agreed with a smile, kissing down Q’s neck until he felt something against his lips. He pulled his head back and looked down at the silver chain around the base of Q’s neck. “You didn’t take them off.”

“Liar or not, I never stopped loving you… I couldn’t take them off.”

“I love you, you gorgeous man.”

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much Love.


End file.
